Healing is YOUR Responsibility

Healing Is Your Responsibility – Just Ask Matt Brown

When you focus on something, you see it everywhere. If you're thinking about buying a new car, suddenly you notice that exact car all over the streets. The same happens if you get a new pair of shoes—everyone seems to be wearing them too.

The same goes for personal growth. When I started my own journey, I began seeing people everywhere sharing similar messages. As I dove into TEDx talks, I discovered speakers like Brené Brown and Sir Ken Robinson, whose ideas left a lasting impact on me. But one of the most powerful and inspiring messages I came across was from Matt Brown, through his She’s Not Your Rehab movement.

Matt’s TEDx talk and his barbershop initiative give men a mirror, forcing them to face the truth: your healing is your responsibility.

It’s simple.
And it’s SO TRUE!

You can’t expect your partner or anyone else to fix the pain you've buried deep inside. I wish I’d understood this earlier in my life. I spent years destroying relationships, using my depression and low self-worth as excuses to disengage, drink, and even womanize when I was single—just to deaden the pain and try to feel a little better about myself, however fleeting that relief was.

Like so many of us, I was stuck in a toxic cycle. Numbing became the norm. I wasn’t even fully aware of it; I was just trying to survive. And when you're stuck in that place, it’s all too easy to stay there. I call it our Struggle Stew - and we just stay in that stew and continue to struggle. Some people are stuck in their depression, others in their pain. They prefer the drama or choose to numb it away with alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, or video games. But the consequences ripple out, affecting everyone around you.

Here’s the hard truth I’ve come to realise: your partner, your friends, and the people who love you are not your rehab. They can’t carry the weight of your unresolved trauma.

We all go through tough times. We all face our demons. But the real work—the messy, challenging, soul-searching work—has to come from within. It has to come from YOU. (Yes, people can support and guide you along the way - but ultimately, YOU have to do the work.)

For too long, I was that guy making excuses. I told myself, “I’ve made it this far; I’ll be okay,” or worse, “I’m broken; nothing will change me.” But that’s the bullshit we tell ourselves to stay small. And the longer I stayed in that mindset, the more damage I did—to myself and to everyone around me.

Hearing Matt’s words reaffirmed what I was already learning on my healing journey: as men, we need to take ownership of our healing. It’s something I now pass on to every man and woman I speak to. We can’t expect others to carry our emotional baggage. Numbing it with alcohol, work, or avoiding real connection doesn’t fix anything. It only amplifies the pain.

There was a time when I thought "toughing it out" was strength. I used to say, “If I can just hold on a little longer, everything will be okay.” But it didn’t get better. It got worse.

Thanks to people like Matt and Brené, we’re learning that true strength lies in vulnerability and accountability. You can’t move forward if you’re still using your pain as a crutch or blaming your past for your actions.

Healing isn’t easy. It’s full of difficult conversations, self-reflection, and discomfort. But it’s also the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself—and for the people around you. Matt’s message resonates deeply with me because I’ve lived the alternative: hiding in the shadows, pushing away the people I loved, and using my pain as a shield. I know firsthand that he’s 100% right.

The real work began when I stopped making excuses and started doing the hard emotional labour. That work led to learning, healing, and growth. It led to love, connection, understanding, and happiness.

Your healing is your responsibility. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.

Ready to take ownership of your healing?

If Matt Brown’s message resonates with you as much as it did with me, now’s the time to act. Your healing is your responsibility, and it starts with a single step. If you're tired of numbing the pain, stuck in cycles that aren't serving you, or simply feeling overwhelmed, reach out. Let’s talk about how you can begin your journey to healing, growth, and living the life you deserve.

Send me a message today—you don’t have to do this alone, but you do have to make the choice to begin. Together, we can take the next step, and I can support and guide you, because I have been down and lived that journey.