Am I Lost – Or is this My Path

Since last week’s blog, I have looked back and it has been a bit of a metaphor of my life. When writing my blogs, I usually have an idea during the week what I am going to write about, the direction I want it to go and then when I sit down, it usually flows quite easily.

Last week’s blog (The Beliefs we hold as Men – is Killing Us), I no real idea what I was going to write about. Once I started writing it felt slow and awkward. I never really had a definitive end or message I wanted to share. It felt disjointed.

When I finished it, I felt it was the worst blog I wrote. And I was ok with that. When I write these blogs, I realize that some will resonate with some people, and hopefully help them, others won’t.

So, I sent it off in to the digital wonderland and something amazing happened. Last weeks blog had 5 times (yes, 5x) more hits and shares and likes than all my other blogs put together (almost 9000 at last count). People, (both men and women), commented on how it really resonated with them.

Apart from being a little shocked, it made me realize that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to “feel” great. If it is done with love and pure intent, then the rest will fall into place at its own pace, in its own time.

When I look back at my life, it has taken a long time to get here. Initially I had no plan for my life, no idea what I wanted to do, no idea where I was going.

I left school and worked for the government. The first 9 months I carried files from room to room and writing in manually who they were with. Then I moved to another government department for 12 months before joining the police force at the age of 21. I did so because it paid way better money and thought it would be a bit for fun and adventure.

I spent 8 years in “the job”, 6 in general duties and 2 as a detective. I then read a book called “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman. I realized that there was more to this life for me than to work with the negative aspects of human behavior. I went back to work the following week and resigned…with no job or idea what I was going to do.

I spoke to my financial advisor about options, and he offered me a job (and I still don’t know why to this day). After 3 years there I knew it wasn’t for me. I felt lost and thought I was having a mid-life crisis in my early 30’s. So, I ran away and went to Europe for 5-6 months.

After returning home I was still none the wiser. I went from working at the post office to a storage warehouse, a private investigator and finally a sales rep for a large security company for 9 months.

I was lost, I had no direction and I had no idea where I was going to finish up. Do you see where this is going?

But that sales rep job changed my life. As a part of the interview process I had to take a psych analysis, which when completed, was explained to me I was a little smarter than I had ever really believed (self-perception is a strange thing). They even suggested that based on my findings I should be helping people, like becoming a psychologist (which was coming from a psychologist). I didn’t believe her and took the sales rep job. After doing the job for a while, what I realized was, I am a terrible salesman and I HATED my job.

It really came into clear focus for me between Christmas and New Year when the office was shut. I decided to go to the beach this day and was excited about it. To get to the beach I just happen to have to drive past work to get there. As I drove towards the beach, I started to feel sick. And the more I drove, the closer I got to the beach, the worse I felt.  

About 2/3’s of the way there, I stopped at a set of lights, looked left, saw my workplace and said, “F*#ken (insert business name here)” before driving off. The further from work I got, the better I felt. It hit me like lightening. Oh My God – I hate work so much it made me feel sick just driving past it. I had just suffered from a bout of anxiety.

Almost in that moment I decided that I didn’t want to do a series of jobs for the rest of my life that I hated, or even just put up with. I was going to do something that I loved. If I had to go back to uni, then so be it. I knew I was going to be 40, so it could be with a degree or without a degree.

At Murdoch University they were just about to open the School of Chiropractic…and 5 years of study later, the rest they say, is history. It was 2 months before my 40^th birthday.

And I love my job. My biggest reward is helping people. 11 years since graduating and I still get a massive kick in being able to help people and make a difference in their lives.

I got to where I should be. To my destination. Did I always know where I was going or where I was going to end up? Definitely not! Would I change anything? Absolutely not!

Is my journey over? No. Do I have plans for the future as to where I want to go? Yes. Will I get there, or will I end up somewhere else? Only time will tell.

It is ok to have plans. It is also ok not to have plans. There will be some curves along the way, some mountains to climb and some rivers to cross. But they will add the colour and texture to you and your life.

They will be your substance.

They will help you get to your destination, though at times you may not know where that is.

But when you get there….it is so worth the journey!