The Pride that is Killing our Men

One in five people in Australia suffer from a mental illness this year. It has risen by 1 million in the last 3 years. By the time we die, 50% of the population will have had, or have, a mental health issue…every second person in Australia. That is bloody scary.

This is an epidemic that is out of control. If we take that a step further, 8 people commit suicide in Australia every day (@2850), 6 of those are men (@2200). (Please note: Last year there was 1225 death is Australia due to motor vehicle accidents). For every person who does commit suicide, there are 30 who attempt it. That’s 87,600 people per year in Australia (sorry my figures in an earlier blog was a little out).

And what makes all these stats on mental health even more terrifying, is that we can’t cope now with the number of cases throughout the current medical structure. Medication obviously isn’t the long-term answer as numbers would be reducing. (Don’t get me wrong – I totally understand that medication IS required at times.)

But people aren’t getting better. Their mental health isn’t improving. The health system isn’t coping. People aren’t getting the care they require and are falling through the crack in great numbers.

So, if the current system isn’t working, if our mental health is getting worse and our medical infrastructure and methods aren’t working. Then we need to change something else.

Ourselves.

There is a reason that women suffer from depression less than men…because they talk. They have a great way of dealing with stress, depression, issues. They talk to their friends and families. They get it out. They deal with it.

Men on the other hand. We ignore the issues. We bury them aware so not even we can see or feel them. But the longer we push down, the hard we push down…the harder it pushes back. So, it starts to manifest itself in a lot of ways. Anxiety and depression are only 2 ways, but probably the most common.

And that is what is killing the men of Australia.  Our own upbringings, our own beliefs, our own stubbornness.

When younger, we were told to behave a certain way, act in a certain manner. It became ingrained is us.

We believed that “Men don’t cry”, to “Suck it up”, “Toughen up”, “Don’t be a sook”, “You don’t show emotion”, and it goes on and on. Some of us were not allowed to show affection, because that was “girlie” stuff. As a result, we didn’t show emotion, we didn’t show fear, we had a tough exterior. That was what a true man was all about.

Now, if you throw in some childhood trauma, abandonment issues, abuse, or any other traumatic experience, then it just adds to the already large pile of “baggage” that you are meant to forget and ignore.

Then all that fear, emotion, shame, guilt, love, embarrassment, pride and anger (and the list goes on) is stuffed away deep down. If you don’t have the tools to deal with it and change your perception of what a true man is, then one day it is going to start to eat away at you. It will start to come out in little subtle ways initially, then grow to bigger problems, bubbling up inside, eating away.

This is where the pain starts. So, what do we do??? We attempt to hide the pain. Sometimes we do this by:

• Drinking alcohol to cope.
• Doing drugs to hide the pain and shame.
• It can come out as rage
• Or there could be problems in the bedroom.

And when we are suffering from depression…we DEFINITELY, as men, can’t show we are suffering from that. That would be a weakness.

The problem is buried so deep down inside. With our pride and misguided beliefs, as men we can’t show we are hurting. We can’t show we in pain. We can’t show we have a weakness. It is embedded into our psyche since we were boys.

To change this, we as men, as people in general, need to change our beliefs, our psyche, our lives. We all have to take responsibility for our own lives and destinations. There maybe years of hard work and sacrifice, but what we are doing at the moment is not working.

Let’s be REAL MEN. Show true courage. Face our fears. Face our own demons. Deal with our shit. Own it.

Let us lead a life that is full of happiness, joy and contentment. Not one of fear, shame and embarrassment. Believe me, the latter is much more exhausting and much less fun.

Let’s support each other. Let’s become a tribe again. Let’s become brothers again.

Let’s become whole again.