Dealing with Your Emotions After a Break-Up

"I don’t know how to feel my emotions."

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us have been conditioned—whether by society or upbringing…or both — to believe showing emotions is a sign of weakness. So we suppress them, burying what we feel, thinking it’s the right thing to do. This can become a habit, and we shut off the very part of ourselves that’s meant to feel.

For men, especially, this can be challenging. When it’s time to truly feel, we may not know how. But here’s the truth: facing your emotions is the first step to healing.

Take a moment for yourself.
In a quiet space, reflect on what has happened — the relationship, the break-up, and everything in between. As you think about it, ask yourself, what am I feeling?

Let whatever comes up, rise to the surface. Allow yourself to fully experience it.

Here are some emotions that may come up depending on your situation:

• Sadness
• Loss / Grief (for the relationship or partner)
• Anger
• Rejection
• Betrayal
• Shame
• Embarrassment
• Heartbreak
• Depression
• Relief
• Hopelessness (feeling like you can’t change the situation)

It’s okay to feel any or all of these. Some emotions may stem from what your partner did; others from your own actions.

Own up to your mistakes, take responsibility for your part, and learn from them.

For what you can’t control, (i.e. that is what your partner did), accept that you can’t change it. And then YOU MUST do what Elsa does and…‘Let it go’.

When sadness hits, let yourself cry.
When anger rises, release it in a safe way…scream into a pillow, punch the bed.
(This process is called ‘anger release,’ and it’s crucial.)
Do not bottle anything up.

Even better, write it down. As you think and feel, let the emotions flow onto the page. Scream, cry, yell — whatever you need to do.

You have to feel the pain to heal the pain.
The more you allow yourself to go through it, and eventually forgive yourself and your partner, the quicker you’ll find peace and begin to move forward.

It may seem overwhelming, but you don’t have to rush. Take your time.

After releasing your emotions, you can calm yourself by doing the following…

1. Just take some deep breaths.

• Inhale for 5 seconds,
• Hold for 5 seconds,
• Exhale for 5 seconds,
• Hold for 5 seconds.

(Repeat for 3 minutes.)

2. Then, shift your focus to something you're grateful for. This will help calm your mind and body.

Remember, this is not a one-time process. You might need to repeat it for a week, a month, or longer, before you start to feel real peace.

Remember - every time you release those emotions, you’re one step closer to healing.

The deeper you feel your pain, the deeper you’ll experience the highs of life again.

Someone once said, ‘You can feel the highs of like, with experiencing and FEELING the lows.’

So, feel the lows…and you will be amazed at how much more you will connect, enjoy, love, and feel life, relationships and experiences.

After a break-up many years ago, I wallowed in grief, rejection, and feelings of not being good enough or worthy enough. It caused depression and to disconnect from myself and others, and as a result, destroyed relationships and the opportunity to live life on a much deeper level.

Initially, I was overwhelmed with emotions – so I deliberately shut them down. After a while, I felt very little (in comparison to today). It was a survival mechanism, so I never had to feel that pain again. It became a habit, so much so, that I didn’t really know how to feel my emotions anymore. I had SHUT IT ALL DOWN.

But, that is not how you live life…how you feel life!

I know better now…I understand it now. I have lived it. I have felt it!

What I learned from that break-up, it had nothing to do with me. We just weren’t right. I can admit that to myself now, but at the time my ego got in the way.

What I learned later was, I was the reason other relationships didn’t work out…and I had to own and that forgive myself.

Once I did that – healing started, the heart opened and love came to me. It started a healing journey that has allowed me to FEEL life…to LOVE life…and myself.

Now it’s your turn.
Take that first step.
Write it down.
Feel it all.
And begin your journey to healing.

Ready to take control of your emotions?
Start now.
Drop a comment below if you’re committed to feeling, healing, and moving forward. Learn from my mistake…from my lessons.
Learn from others and each other.
After all…We’re in this together.