A Siege and a Gunman: Less Intimidating Than Facing My Past

It was easier for me to walk into a building with a crazed gunman than it was for me to walk into a circle of men and deal with childhood trauma and the emotions attached to it.

That sounds crazy - but that's how fear can have such varying impacts and outcomes.

Walking into the building, there was fear, but courage came to the forefront, to protect my colleagues and the people in the firing line. I overcame that fear in a moment to do what was right for others. 

But...the fear of dealing with my emotions was way too scary. So fear kept it buried and hidden...well sort of. It manifested in low self-belief, destroyed relationships and depression. Fear never let me do the right thing for myself. 

Understanding the Positives and Negatives of Fear
Fear is a universal emotion, experienced by everyone at various points in their lives. Fear can be seen as a negative force, but it also serves an important purpose. Understanding its dual nature—both the positives and negatives—can help us harness fear effectively and minimize its detrimental effects. 

The Positives of Fear

1. Heightened Awareness and Focus Fear triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response, enhancing our alertness and concentration. In dangerous or challenging situations, this heightened awareness can be crucial for making quick decisions that protect us from harm.
2. Protective Mechanism Fear acts as a natural protective instinct. It warns us of potential dangers, helping us avoid harmful activities or risky behaviors. This instinct can be invaluable in maintaining our safety and well-being.
3. Motivational Force The fear of failure or negative outcomes can drive us to prepare thoroughly and work harder. This motivational aspect of fear can propel us toward our goals, encouraging diligence and perseverance.
4. Personal Growth Confronting and overcoming fear can lead to significant personal development. Each time we face our fears, we build resilience, boost our confidence, and enhance our self-awareness, which contributes to our overall growth.
5. Boundary Setting Fear can help us establish limits. It signals when a situation or relationship might be detrimental, empowering us to protect our well-being and prioritize our mental health.

The Negatives of Fear

1. Paralysis and Inaction While fear can motivate, excessive fear can lead to paralysis. When overwhelmed, we may struggle to make decisions or take risks, ultimately hindering our progress.
2. Chronic Stress Prolonged exposure to fear can contribute to chronic stress, which can manifest in physical and mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and heart problems. This stress can take a toll on our overall quality of life.
3. Distorted Perception Fear can cloud our judgment, leading to irrational thinking. When we magnify perceived threats, we may find ourselves worrying excessively about situations that aren’t as dangerous as they seem.
4. Avoidance Behaviour Fear can cause us to avoid beneficial situations, such as social interactions or career opportunities. This avoidance behaviour can limit our growth and potential, trapping us in a cycle of missed opportunities.
5. Reduced Quality of Life Living in constant fear can diminish our experiences and relationships, robbing us of joy and fulfilment. This negative cycle can lead to a restricted life, where we become increasingly disengaged from the world around us.

Stealth Like
One of the problems with fear...and specifically emotional fear, it can sneak under the radar like a stealth bomber. If we suffer from an emotional trauma or event, especially when we are young (but not confined to), the emotions and pain associated with that moment can be too great to deal with at that moment 

Dealing with that sort of pain and emotion can be scary and too painful, so we bury it, and hide from it. It keeps us safe and away from pain. It allows us to 'survive' that difficult period of time...which is what fear is meant to do - Keep up safe, pain-free and alive. 

The problem is that we have not dealt with the pain and emotion...we only buried it. But it is NEVER gone; it is just lying dormant. And if we don't deal with the emotions it can start to affect our mental and emotional wellbeing, our health and relationships, and our self-worth and self-belief. 

Yet we choose not to deal with it. Why? Because the fear is trying to protect us from the pain and hurt - it is trying to keep us safe. But by doing that, it is causing all the issues just mentioned. 

Fear snuck in under the radar to protect you and keep you safe...but over time it is detrimental to you and your overall wellbeing (and life in general).

Finding Balance
Recognizing the dual nature of fear is the first step in managing it effectively. As mentioned, fear can protect and motivate us, but it can also hinder our progress if left unchecked. By understanding fear, and developing strategies to confront our fears, such as mindfulness, seeking support, and gradually facing challenging situations, we can transform fear from a limiting factor into a catalyst for growth.

In fact, overcoming our greatest fears can be one of the most powerful and empowering things we will ever do for ourselves. It allows us to learn, grow and be a better version of ourselves. 

The second scariest day of my life was walking into a building as a police officer, looking for a gunman who had just shot and killed someone...searching the building for 5 hours, not knowing where he was or if I was next. 

The scariest day of my life was standing up and dealing with my past, my childhood trauma and the emotions attached to it. The shame, self-blame, guilt, embarrassment and fear...oh the fear. 

I found walking into the building with a gunman running loose MUCH EASIER than I did walking into a circle of men to deal with the pain, fear and emotions from my past. 

That's how much fear had control of me for 30+ years. 

If I could change one thing in my life...It would be to CONFRONT THOSE FEARS and emotions 10, 20, 30 years earlier. 

That is the only thing I would change!

We must embrace fear as a natural part of life, but don’t let it define our journey. It's important to use it as a tool for awareness, motivation, and personal development, leading to a more fulfilling, loving, happy and enriched life.

What is the one thing you NEED to do now, to make your life better, so you don't look back and say...

'If only I did that sooner?'


Remember: 
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If you need support to help you move forward, then reach out, and book a free call. 

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